*The names of the characters are people I really like, but the incidents are purely fictional*
Smi sat dolefully stirring her coffee, as if the swirling contents would change her mood.
I jumped at her and said my chirpiest “G morning”.
She just raised her eyebrow at me to acknowledge my presence!
Hey Bum! What’s up..?? Did Atlas shrug or what?
Atlas didn’t shrug. But Venkat did! She said dully. I had to catch her eye only for a moment to know something murky lay ahead.
“What do you mean” I asked, perfectly knowing what was coming.
One needn’t be a rocket scientist to know what had happened, especially after knowing her for as long as I did.
Break up...Venkat…Ditch…
It had to be at least two of those three words. Of the three I despise and dread the last word. It does terrible things to one’s confidence.
“You know what I mean” she said, with little drops of liquid crystals starting to fill her big eyes. They looked beautiful. I wish I could tell her how beautiful she looked, If only it were happier times.
“It won’t work” he said,
Be...because he thought I was way too serious for him”. She managed to sputter.
“That punk is so going to hell” I swore under my breath.
I love Smi, not only because she is my dearest friend but because she is a creature who is nearly perfect. I would have said PERFECT but if only she had a smaller nose!
She is not a delicately featured shapely figurine that one associates with beauty. But a defining face, a firm figure, a sensible head, and the most ‘definite’person.
There was nothing subtle about her. She was like white blinding light. Plain but brilliant. Pure but will give color to what ever she touches and always diluted anything dark.
Then she fell in love with Venkat, I saw all these defining attributes of her slowly but surely vaporizing.
The first thing which jolted me was her absolute change of attitude. It was highly unlikely of her to say “but babe, think for a moment why she did that”
Empathy was something none of us believed in. One cannot slip into another’s shoes or 'feel' from their perspective. It was simply stupid because “Heck! My foot size is bigger. I can’t even try fitting in yours.”
Sympathy… Yes, we allowed ourselves to pity people who expected it out of us, since it was our moral duty!.... But never empathy.
It threw me and Navy. We were aghast to see such a radical change in her!
I knew people changed when they “fall” in love…
But I couldn't fathom how deep one would actually fall...
Now she lay, fallen before my eyes. Her spirit crumpled like the pamphlet you crumple and throw carelessly on the road.
That what he did to Smi.
He gave her hope, showed her a rosy world, painted her life like Van Gogh and then threw a whole lot of muck on that painting she treasured.
I may sound cruel, but I am glad she has been “ditched”. It is a blessing which came with no disguises. Smi just has to acknowledge that blessing.The Blessing of hope.
Hope is like a boomerang, just when you feel it deserted you, it will come right back into your hands.
He may have wrenched her heart out .But me and Navy can give her a transplant.
He planted a million doubts in her mind. But we’ll club them one after another.
After a long silence that fell between us, I pressed her palm gently and said
“Hope is your friend …trust it”
She calmly said…“I do”.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
B.U.D.D.I.E.S - The life savers.
*The names of the characters are people I really like, but the incidents are purely fictional*
I threw my back pack on the bed and with it threw myself onto the bed! Hot tears spurted out of my red eyes, scorching my cheeks as they flowed.
The moment of ignominy surfaced in my mind again.
“Where did you learn your math lady!? Why didn’t you study history or something! What ever made you think you had any mathematical ability!
“But Ma...m” I stammered...
“DO NOT INTERRUPT” she bawled.
“I want to talk to your parents! But considering the fact they are YOUR parents, I wonder if they ll understand anything I am talking about.”
“That remark was not necessary Mam…!” I said hotly.
“What gall you have, to answer right back to me. Get out...out of class. You over grown brat!”
I walked out with my head held high, desperately trying to keep out the tears threatening to pour out if not for my hurt pride.
I walked fast through the class carrying with me all the staring eyes, the pitiful glances, the snobbish airs and the perplexed feelings.
Through the corner of my eye I searched for my two best buddies Smi and Navy, but to catch their eyes meant meeting every other pair of eyes!
I bolted out of the class vowing to myself that I would never again set even my pinky toe into it, let alone my foot!
The pillow smothered me; I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling at the revolving fan. I stared at it hypnotically, and then suddenly jumped into a sitting position.
“The bitch! Why did she bring pa and ma into this?!”
“I’m getting out of this place…I‘ll run a garage or learn plumbing if I have to! But no more of this god forsaken college!"
Even before I let that thought take complete shape, Ma’s face loomed into my head... “Oh! My daughter she is an Engineer, studying at BITS”
And papas face welling in pride when he boasts to his friend matter-of-factly
“Ah!! My little one has gone to BITS just like the rest of her brothers!”
Couldn’t I have just studied history!?
Damn! What am I thinking! After two years of back breaking, head spinning studies…history!!??
That bitch is playing tricks with my head!
‘I was born to be an engineer…a Bio-medical engineer’
I looked at the mirror and expected it to tell me that I was going to be the best engineer ever!
The mirror showed nothing unusual.
My swollen face, eyes puffy, lined with smudged Kohl, giving a ghoulish appearance to my small face.
I removed a lock of black hair from my face studying it keenly, the straight slightly upturned nose, deep brown eyes now showing its color. A slender body clothed in rugged jeans and a black T shirt. It was always black!
I straightened myself to a good 5 feet 8inches. I studied myself intently then looked straight into my eyes jabbed at the reflection of my chest and said
“You are going to be the best god damn engineer ever”
The door opened suddenly, and in burst Smi and navy, with concern written over their faces. I sat facing my back to them.
Navy came to me and lifted my face looking into my eyes searching for any feeling.
I stared at him challenging him to say even a word about my embarrassing incident in class.
Smi’s soft voice broke the silence that had fallen …"babe...We can complain to the HOD if you wish"
The anger which had subsided surfaced again and I spat with fresh resentment.
“Bull crap”!! And earn myself the name of a drama queen apart from an ignoramus?! have you too gone soft in your head Smi!” I yelled at her.
I could see Smi was going to yell back..but she contained herself being the patient one as always.
Navy immediately put an arm on my shoulder and smoothly said,
“Hey...chill now will you! No use yelling like that. You are only making your pharynx worse!"
I had a hoarse throat and my tonsils were removed as a child. He knew that.
I bit my lip and calmed down. I like navy. He always treated me like a child.
I hugged Smi and apologized. Navy threw his long arms around both of us. For a moment every thing seemed perfect in that arm lock.
With the three of us together, nothing seemed formidable.
Hours fleeted by uplifting my mood and spirit.The spirit of revenge never lasts in a soul which is always in a hurry to forget.
That night I lay down on my hard bed staring at the desolate wall and imagined life outside the drab walls of my hostel.
Hard beds and dull walls always makes you look at brighter side of things.
I thought about the bitch of a teacher, my humiliation, my faith in myself..
No! I am not going to be a plumber. Navy told me I would make a lousy plumber for every tap I touched, leaked.
I am going to be the best God damn Bio medical engineer ever!
No bitch or son-of-a-bitch is going to make me feel like I belonged elsewhere.
Even if they did, Smi and Navy would bring me back to feeling my self.
My exalted true self.
I threw my back pack on the bed and with it threw myself onto the bed! Hot tears spurted out of my red eyes, scorching my cheeks as they flowed.
The moment of ignominy surfaced in my mind again.
“Where did you learn your math lady!? Why didn’t you study history or something! What ever made you think you had any mathematical ability!
“But Ma...m” I stammered...
“DO NOT INTERRUPT” she bawled.
“I want to talk to your parents! But considering the fact they are YOUR parents, I wonder if they ll understand anything I am talking about.”
“That remark was not necessary Mam…!” I said hotly.
“What gall you have, to answer right back to me. Get out...out of class. You over grown brat!”
I walked out with my head held high, desperately trying to keep out the tears threatening to pour out if not for my hurt pride.
I walked fast through the class carrying with me all the staring eyes, the pitiful glances, the snobbish airs and the perplexed feelings.
Through the corner of my eye I searched for my two best buddies Smi and Navy, but to catch their eyes meant meeting every other pair of eyes!
I bolted out of the class vowing to myself that I would never again set even my pinky toe into it, let alone my foot!
The pillow smothered me; I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling at the revolving fan. I stared at it hypnotically, and then suddenly jumped into a sitting position.
“The bitch! Why did she bring pa and ma into this?!”
“I’m getting out of this place…I‘ll run a garage or learn plumbing if I have to! But no more of this god forsaken college!"
Even before I let that thought take complete shape, Ma’s face loomed into my head... “Oh! My daughter she is an Engineer, studying at BITS”
And papas face welling in pride when he boasts to his friend matter-of-factly
“Ah!! My little one has gone to BITS just like the rest of her brothers!”
Couldn’t I have just studied history!?
Damn! What am I thinking! After two years of back breaking, head spinning studies…history!!??
That bitch is playing tricks with my head!
‘I was born to be an engineer…a Bio-medical engineer’
I looked at the mirror and expected it to tell me that I was going to be the best engineer ever!
The mirror showed nothing unusual.
My swollen face, eyes puffy, lined with smudged Kohl, giving a ghoulish appearance to my small face.
I removed a lock of black hair from my face studying it keenly, the straight slightly upturned nose, deep brown eyes now showing its color. A slender body clothed in rugged jeans and a black T shirt. It was always black!
I straightened myself to a good 5 feet 8inches. I studied myself intently then looked straight into my eyes jabbed at the reflection of my chest and said
“You are going to be the best god damn engineer ever”
The door opened suddenly, and in burst Smi and navy, with concern written over their faces. I sat facing my back to them.
Navy came to me and lifted my face looking into my eyes searching for any feeling.
I stared at him challenging him to say even a word about my embarrassing incident in class.
Smi’s soft voice broke the silence that had fallen …"babe...We can complain to the HOD if you wish"
The anger which had subsided surfaced again and I spat with fresh resentment.
“Bull crap”!! And earn myself the name of a drama queen apart from an ignoramus?! have you too gone soft in your head Smi!” I yelled at her.
I could see Smi was going to yell back..but she contained herself being the patient one as always.
Navy immediately put an arm on my shoulder and smoothly said,
“Hey...chill now will you! No use yelling like that. You are only making your pharynx worse!"
I had a hoarse throat and my tonsils were removed as a child. He knew that.
I bit my lip and calmed down. I like navy. He always treated me like a child.
I hugged Smi and apologized. Navy threw his long arms around both of us. For a moment every thing seemed perfect in that arm lock.
With the three of us together, nothing seemed formidable.
Hours fleeted by uplifting my mood and spirit.The spirit of revenge never lasts in a soul which is always in a hurry to forget.
That night I lay down on my hard bed staring at the desolate wall and imagined life outside the drab walls of my hostel.
Hard beds and dull walls always makes you look at brighter side of things.
I thought about the bitch of a teacher, my humiliation, my faith in myself..
No! I am not going to be a plumber. Navy told me I would make a lousy plumber for every tap I touched, leaked.
I am going to be the best God damn Bio medical engineer ever!
No bitch or son-of-a-bitch is going to make me feel like I belonged elsewhere.
Even if they did, Smi and Navy would bring me back to feeling my self.
My exalted true self.
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